Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts with the label Confession

Finding Joy in the Little Changes

So it's taken me 2 months to lose 4 lbs.  I know people are are gonna ready that and be like dude you suck. There are a couple of things to note: When  I started 2 months ago I was 359 and then the week after I went up to 363. I checked my spreadsheet and I haven't been 355 or lower in 4 years.  I've been struggling in the 360s for YEARS !!!!!! I've been in the 350s for a couple of weeks with a mostly steady decline I'm not struggling with eating, and working out is doable. In terms of non scale victories.  I can eat salad. It isn't the end of the world and honestly when I'm out and about it takes the weight of having to figure out what to eat. I don't feel the need to eat EVERYTHING on my plate. I don't eat what I don't want.  ( We will ignore the cream puff I had yesterday) I have more energy.  I don't come home and veg doing nothing until bed time.  I mean I do it sometimes, but if I need to do something I am more lik...

What we're not gonna do

I think I just posted yesterday, but it's been an interesting 24 hours. Pre current weightloss journey I would come home tired, chores and other things waited until I the weekend.  I would rest (procrastinate saturday) and then sunday try and get some stuff done and really not much would happen and that would be it. Last night I ran errands, did laundry.  The night before I moved the refrigerator because something had spilled and attacked gnats.  A couple of months ago...none of that would have happened.  I'm gonna claim that as a NSV Today was my first doctor's visit in maybe 2 years.  I was always putting it off thinking I know the Dr is going to tell me to lose weight, so I'll just wait and lose weight first.  Just so we're clear that's not how that works.  GO TO THE DOCTOR.  My big questions are do I have high blood pressure and am I diabetic. My blood pressure is 140/82.  For me that's high, but there might be another r...

What's different this time?

About 3-4 months ago I was toying with the idea of having weight loss surgery.  No one was recommending it, but I felt like I was having weight creep and maybe I should use a tool to help me.  I spoke to a good friend who pointed out I would still have to modify my eating and exercise.  Why not give it a try without the surgery.  He became my accountability partner.  The thing that different is he doesn't judge. He's thin and fit, but doesn't try and push me, if I slack off there isn't OMG you didn't work out guilt trip, and maybe because of that I'm more focused on making it happen.  I've fallen on the wagon, but I "confess" and move on.  It has helped alot.  I try and send him my planned workout and try and complete it during the week.  It's been something I needed.  I've tried other things. Having a one on one person who might not be in my shoes, but is there with a shoulder if needed has been a bit of a game changer. Finding ...

Stay the Course

It's been a bumpy few days Monday I was up to 361.8 Tuesday I was up to 363.0 Wednesday - 360.8 I ate on plan both days and Monday I worked out.  I was discouraged to say the least, but I just stuck to my eating plan. My knee is still a little wonky so I haven't do much, tonight I'll do some strength. I got up this morning I was 360.8.  I was stunned to say the least. What have we learned boys and girls?  It takes 2-4 days for my body to deal with whatever crab I through at it.  Saturday was the rice dish my mother made and Sunday was a hamburger from burger king (and chicken fries and a hershey pie).  Funny how you don't remember all the bad when you're trying to understand why the scale went up.  Day 3 and I'm back on track.  Normally this would be a semi cheat day (orange juice, a bagel), but I reallllllllly want to be in the 350s and life isn't that horrible. With all of this I realized if I was doing dietbet I would be stressing righ...

You win some you lose some

So the visit with my parents.  I always gain when I go there. My mother decided the healthiest thing to make was a Chinese stir fry...with brown rice.  She decided that rice was healthy and there was no issue with me eating it.   She's my mother...sigh. and of course I ate two servings...sigh. I did manage not to eat the cupcakes, cake, soda, and other little treats she had in the house, so while I gained, I only gained 1.6 lbs.  I don't really have any plans this week so once again hoping I can get out of the 360s.  The other side, and completely my fault, is I had a hamburger. I was tired from driving, didn't really have anythig in the house and knew once I got it, I would just crash. There is the theory the hamburger did it all, but meh..I think it was a combination. My knee is better.  My co-workers suggested I wear a brace. I have a soft sock like one and its helped alot.  I worked out with modifications and feel ok. Once again happ...

Sustainability

So I binged over the weekend.  I started out as ok I get to have some of the stuff I missed while doing diet bet, but eh it was really a binge 3 donuts 3 sushi rolls 1 pint of ice cream (actually wasn't that bad but couldn't resist) potatoes while I was out and an onion bloom By sunday it wasn't so much a binge as just eating crap.  I gave myself a day before I got on the scale and I'm up 5 lbs. I also ate an entire thing of smoked salmon because I was hungry and didn't have anything prepped for dinner.  That was monday. So yeah no smoked salmon in the house...blah. Its low carb, but too much salt. I did food prep for the week, and no lingering need to eat crap.  Anyway, I also don't think I'll be doing dietbet.  14 lbs in a month while doable, isn't sustainable for me.  I pretty much was doing anything to make goal and then kind of burnt out at the end.  It was a good jump start and I might do it again, but right now my goal is 8 lbs for ...

Scale Cannot come into the Out Now

 One of my favorite movies, no idea why. I'm a grown woman and I love it.  I'm afraid I'll lose motivation and fall off the wagon and be back where I was, so Im considering another dietbet.  The other side is if I lost it might cause me to fall off. Blah...not sure what to do On the other side of life I had a Scale and non scale victory. I had oreos (6) yesterday and my ankles seemed like they were swollen which usually means a gain, but I didn't my usual after friday cheat and I did a fitness glo strength workout.  I didn't finish it, I wasn't in the mood for the floor work. Anyway, I assumed I had gained..nope down to 360.6. I think I'll wait till after this week to see how I feel about dietbet. I think I'm hanging out 3 days in a row.  Keeping my fingers crossed I had a realization about fitness glow.  I tried to do a level 3 workout and it wasn't horrible, but I felt like I had to modify too much.  I realized they don't have ...

A Weekend of Learning

The goal this weekend was to not each out as much with the assumption it would help in my weight loss.  I think I gained a lil over 2 lbs. Yeah that was myself too. Normally I would panic, beat myself up, workout super hard, but I didn't.  I had a sandwish and a big bowl of soup from panera while waiting for my oil change saturday.  They might be organic, but I still have issues with white carbs.  I didn't take my usual vitamin D and apple cider vinegar. I didn't workout Sunday.  I'm pretty ok with all of this since it was the weekend and honestly I don't know if one thing or a combination of things caused the gain. I also weighed myself at 3:30am.  My bladders not my friend..blah...Anyway, I've learned if I had waiting till 7-8 my body would have probably processed another half pound to a pound. I went to the bathroom and had went down .4 of a lb.   I did my usual workout today and it just means I'll need to stay on plan this week.  Which...

Stop Drop and Change

So I haven't posted in a while on purpose. So my slow carb diet wasn't working for me.  The problem was I couldn't seem to handle the 6 days on plan and only one day on plan. I could get the 6 days, cheat day was literally the whole weekend and then I could maybe go 5 days before I would have another fall off the wagon.  Also the scale was killing me.  I was sabotaging myself then trying to work off the cheat weight and then annoyed when the scale wasn't moving. Also the end of summer hangouts caused problems... I also kept hurting myself.  I was wearing shoes that did something to m feet where walking hurt.  I was fine barefoot, but shoes hurt. So I just stopped...everything. I haven't been on the scale in a couple of weeks.  If I want to cheat I think about it and make a decision.  Weirdly I'm not that pressed about it. There was a sugar binge, but I started my period the next day so I'm gonna chalk that up to hormones. Then I got sick...

Getting old

So yesterday was a pretty ok day, It all went down hill when I ate my salad for lunch.  In literally the last year I've become allergic to tree nuts,not peanuts.  I'm not a big nut person in general, but yesterday I had a salad with pesto checking in it.  I got itchy.  My co-worker realized the pesto probably had pine nuts in it. So they gave me some children's benedryl..I think I was better off being slightly itchy.  In fact I'm sure I was better off.  For literally the rest of the day I just couldn't seem to wake up.  I went home and at 9. I just crashed. and that was children's benedryl.  I think I've only felt like that after doing lots of shots at a dive bar.  I might need this for my next party. Anyway I woke up today, with two slightly swollen stiff knees so no workout.  I had done 2 days in a row, so I"m ok with the day off.  Tomorrow instead of whatever my hybrid schedule her I'll do 21 day fix upper fix a...

Goals - Don't go lower

Been an interesting week or so. So I started my workout schedule last week and I did something to my right knee. When I would bend it, it hurt. Walking as a struggle, so rather than push through and potentially make it worse I just stayed off of it as much as possible.  I started back today..it was a struggle, but I got it done and I feel good.  I hopped on the scale after my workout and I'm 361...so I'm probablty 362 or 363.  I'll take that.  Eating wasn't horrible last week, just trying to focus on one meal at a time and make better choices. The knee thing I'm pretty happened when Autumn was like go lower and  I was feeling  focused.  I went lower and blah.  This just says its ok to go at my own pace.  I lost a whole week pushing too far.  Its still hot and humid so I didn't cook.  So this week is going to be salads (which I've been avoiding) and atkins shakes for dinner. I have a 21 day challenge going and that's help...

I"m back

So I haven't posted in a month.  The last 2 weeks of july to the first week of August I just took a break staying on plan.  I didn't fall off completely, but its summer and I seemed to be going out alot. I then went away for a week with friends. I didn't completely fall off, but I allowed myself a drink or carb here and there.  I went up to 364.  After my trip I was trying to get back in the swing of things and it was HARD !!!! I kept having little cheats here and there...and stuff I could do 3 weeks ago seemed harder. I jus decided to stop the little cheats and I just did what I could in the workouts. I'm down to 359 as of 8/13//2015.  Which is nice. I went out yesterday and had 2 drinks, so now I need to stay on plan till next thursday. As for working out I loved 21 day fix, but I don't want to workout 6 days a week, and I need to change up the 21 day fix.  Before my vacation I ordered Piyo . I ordered mine from Ebay.  So I setup a...

I can't feel my knees

As always lets start with the bad so I can finish on a good note. Eating has been crap.  I went to two afterwork events, I was moderate, but there were carbs....lovely delicious carbs..... Anyway, I decided to do a fake weigh in today.  A fake weigh in is weighing in the morning AFTER I do my workout.  I was 363, so I'm probably 364 or 365.  My ankles are still swollen from my period AND I'm sure the carbs aren't helping. Next week is another round of hanging out and eating with friends. The week after that I go away for a week.  All this mean is my diet is going to blah until august.  I am going to take it one day at a time and try and make good choices. The good.  I am going on a boat ride tomorrow and since I want to be able to function and make sure I get all my works outs in I doubled up...   I did cardio fix and dirty 30.  I was sort of dreading it since of all the 21DF workouts cardio fix is the one I like the least,...

Mutiny on the Body/ 21 day fix week 1 lower fix

First and most importantly.  I want to eat my foot. I'm pretty raveous after working out. Also last night i got home and between being wiped and it being super humid I just couldn't cook.  I had 3 slices of cheese and called it a night. I was up at 3am ...blah So the scale has moved...I don't think this is PMS, I think this is just how long it took my body to deal with the 3 day carb binge I had over the 4th of July.  Usually after a binge I don't want to see the scale shock so I give myself a few days.  Getting on everyday and not seeing ANY change was an eye opener.  I wasn't going to get on today, but I've learned I just want to see a whoosh so I don't get on, then when I finally get on I want to see a big drop.  If I don't see a big drop I'm disappointed.  Rather than go through that I got on, before my workout.  363.  I'm not happy, but I was 364 AFTER my workouts all week, so I can live with this. I've learned the lesson and re...

4th of July Weekend the Cluster%$&@

So I gained 5 lbs...at least. Friday it was a unplaned trip to fridays then Donuts saturday , macaroni and rice saturday and grits sunday. Oh and chipotle sunday So yeah I broke every diet rule I have....that takes talent.  the other side of it is, my stomach was not happy, for as good as the food tasted the cramping and gas..just made me sad. I worked out Saturday 21 day shred day 2, but nothing over the week which isn't so bad. So yeah I didn't just fall off the wagon it ran me over, but I'm back on today...I had my usual egg whites.  I added in bread, and the goal is to stay on plan all week. This morning I was supposed to start the 21 day fix, but I left my laptop in the car and my dvd player doesn't work.  I ended up doing the beginning shred day 2 and I realized why I never really got into Jillian Michael"s I just need her to shut the F%@& up. The first time I was getting used to the exercises so I kind of ignored all of her talking.  But th...

Revenge of Cheat Day aka Death by Donut

So yesterday I was tired of egg white omelets so decided it was going to be cheat day.  I had 3 donuts... which is way more than I should have...so I'll need to work on that.  I avoided the pizza at a dept meeting YAYYY NSV...and I had a salad. Went out with a friend to take a spin in my new car and had a hamburger. Really none of that is really horrible except my death by donuts.  I woke up meh today.   Kinda sluggish, feeling a little bloated. It might be just the end of the week or it might have been the carbs or a combination.  We'll see, but My final weigh in for the month is Tuesday and since I am fresh off my cheat day should be smooth sailing Even though I wasn't motivated I've learned I should go more than 2 days without working out.  Also I have 2 more days of Pilates to complete my exercise challenge for the month.  I ended up doing Leslie Sansone you can do pilates.  Its short and I always end up feeling better after...

Some Fail, but happy

So this week I wanted to be lower than I started, but I gained a lb....I'm not beating myself up...I went out a couple times, drank , had fried, white castle, sugary drinks..and only gained a pound...even with going out twice I think I ate mostly paleo other than that. I need to stay away from the Chinese buffet and the French pastry spot. I made chunkey Monkey muffins (first paleo recipe) and they were awesome...no frankenfood and finally have an alternative to eggs everyday. I also made cauliflower rice  I linked the recipe, but I made it two ways.. 1. baked some chicken, and then sautéed the cauliflower in that and then just sautéed some onions and the sautéed the cauliflower in that....bother were good...for me I think I need 2-4 head to last me a whole week. I made cabbage and chicken sobrose from skinny taste. lasted the whole week...and now for what I'm making this week I think Imma try paleo pancakes, bacon salomon croquette Damn fine chic...

Tipped to the side on the wagon.

Posted on 3fc: Had a binge this weekend blah :?:  It wasn't emotional or anything.  I bought the low carb peanut butter cups and I ate the whole box (12).  I was mildly hungry, but I have been on this sugar thing lately.  Anyway, they can't come back in the house.  When it cools off I'll keep in the car.  I worked out a lil harder this morning.  Also seems since I've been working out I need to relearn hunger and not overeat. I like to work out on an empty stomach and by the time I'm done I feel like I wanna gnaw off my own leg.  I worked out, had a glass of almond milk to take the edge off while I made breakfast.  That was about 8:30. By the time I was almost to work at noon I was looking for something else.  So I picked up a danish...blah.  I packed my lunch today and dinner should be fine, but maybe I need a bigger breakfast.  I'm thinking of trying toast with breakfast on wednesday and see if that helps. To stop my add...

Darn you to Heck Indian Food.

So yesterday I had lunch with my best friend.  She's smaller than me, but still heavy.  We went out to an Indian Buffet and I should have just ordered something from the menu, but I didn't want to spend to much since we were splitting the bill and had the buffet BAD MOVE.  It was all creamy sauce stuff which really begs to be poured over rice.  I was trying to pour it over the cauliflower dish, but that had potatoes in it.  I ended up just saying eff it and eating the cauliflower with a little potatoe.  Then my flawles logic *heavy sarcasm* said well if I'mma cheat go ahead and have the rice too.  I then had like 4 glasses of water.  I don't feel like I ate alot, the problem is I ate because of self peer pressure. I think of course wanted to punish myself and was going to make myself to a really hard workout today, but thought.  Ok I don't really want to do it...and I don't want to NOT workout because I don't want to do the work out.  ...

never give up, never surrender

This is a quickie, short story.... Got back with my ex, it sucked broke up, got over it.  planning a trip to london with a day trip to paris.  champs de elysee (sp) has 238 steps, realized I was going to need to get in some kind of shape for this trip. and here i am not really counting anything just getting back into the habit of eating better and working out. Cardio and weights. trip is in 2 and a half months so I have some time.