This was a post by someone else on 3fc and I think it points out how I feel...losing weight and getting complacent...wanting it to be over and I love at the end how she manages to be positive when the scale god isn't showing you some love.
I posted this on my livejournal, instead of rewriting it, I'm going the lazy way and copying/pasting. I've had a rough few weeks with the whole weight loss thing, and I'll need to edit the language, but this is the gist of whats been going on in my heart.
So, I've been watching what I eat. Working out, although, in the last 2 weeks, its almost everything I can do to get off my fat butt and make myself walk, nevermind anything else. A few weeks ago, even if I had to wait until 11 pm to work out, I STILL worked out. Now, "I'll do extra tomorrow", but like Scarlett, I never face my tomorrows. Guess what? I'm not losing weight! I've let myself slide the last 2 weeks on calories. I've basically, gotten complacent. Once that idiot scale said 220, I lost it. I let myself get complacent. All those things a previous entry stated I was fighting. I lost the war with it. I no longer enjoy the process of losing weight. I just want it done. I want others to view me as "normal". I'm sick of those looks you get when you order a taco chicken salad, hold the sour cream, sauce on the side, no fried tortilla stick/chips in it, please. It's that look, that one that says, "Who do you think YOU'RE fooling fat chick?". I want people to see me order that and admire me because I'm slim and fit and still eat healthy.
There's another issue I'm upset about. I weighed myself about 6 weeks ago on one of those quarter machines you find in gas station bathrooms, where they also give you your lucky lotto numbers. Now, I know these are about as reliable as the newest fad diet pill, but still, I dropped the quarter, and it said, TADA! 239.6 &%$# YOU! I came home and cried for 3 hours. It felt like all my hard work had just been slapped in my face. So, I bring myself around, rationalizing that those things are probably NEVER calibrated, how reliable can they TRULY be? So, a few weeks later, I go to my kids doc appt, ask to use the scale, it happily reads 237.2. DAMMIT!!! So, I go over to 3FC, to look for some explanation. It's explained to me how scales, especially digital doc scales aren't that reliable, since they weigh everyone from elderly to newborns. This scale weighs everyone who comes through the practice. So, ok. Then, I do it again today. I drop a quarter in one of those STUPID machines at K-Mart, for my weight and lucky lotto numbers, it reads, 239. Well, at least this time it didn't have ounces attached to it. Personally, I find it really hard to discount 3 scales, all reading within the same 5 pound range. My scale is bogus. It's been reading between 217 and 220 for 10 days. Apparently, it's just a piece of crap and I need to ante up for a real one. That's what happens when you spend 6 bucks at Wal-Mart for a scale I guess. I feel horrible. Not just because I have been so lazy on weight loss lately, but also because I thought I had lost almost 50 pounds. I'm ready to cry. I will cry, eventually. I'm so sick of battling my weight. So sick of worrying if this will fit, if that will stretch, if that bra will show that horrible bra fat bulge. I know I'm losing inches, my tape measure says so, but crap, whats a girl gotta do to get a break? I upped my calories, I downed my calories. I worked out harder, better, longer. I started walking a mile at a time, and now can do 3 miles a day, easy. I incorporated jogging, I've enthused family and friends to get healthier. I've given advice like I knew what I was talking about, and it turns out, I just don't. I know less about weight loss than I thought I did and now I'm floundering, I can't seem to find my way.
So, it's time to ante up. Am I serious about this or is it a hobby? Do I want to be healthy? Do I want to have a heart attack? Diabetes? It's time to sit down and think.
*************************************************
So, after that overly dramatic post, I realised today was measurement day. I only measure once a month, unlessmy scale has gone wonky. I'm so glad today was measurement day. I've lost 15 total body inches in 2 months.Most of my weight is coming off of the band part of my boobs, neck and legs. I've been bemoaning the fact that my pants size isn't really decreasing, but everything feels/looks smaller and toned. Well, yeah, everything being arms, legs, upper body, because that's where the weight is coming off. So, redemption, of sorts. I may not have lost all the weight, I thought I did,
but I have lost quiet a bit of ME. So, the journey continues....
I'm also restarting my trackers, I weighed today at 239, it was 430 pm, I had eaten 2 good meals, and was wearing layers of clothing. I'm estimating total of 5 pounds, considering while we were in K-Mart I also downed 2 liters of water
I posted this on my livejournal, instead of rewriting it, I'm going the lazy way and copying/pasting. I've had a rough few weeks with the whole weight loss thing, and I'll need to edit the language, but this is the gist of whats been going on in my heart.
So, I've been watching what I eat. Working out, although, in the last 2 weeks, its almost everything I can do to get off my fat butt and make myself walk, nevermind anything else. A few weeks ago, even if I had to wait until 11 pm to work out, I STILL worked out. Now, "I'll do extra tomorrow", but like Scarlett, I never face my tomorrows. Guess what? I'm not losing weight! I've let myself slide the last 2 weeks on calories. I've basically, gotten complacent. Once that idiot scale said 220, I lost it. I let myself get complacent. All those things a previous entry stated I was fighting. I lost the war with it. I no longer enjoy the process of losing weight. I just want it done. I want others to view me as "normal". I'm sick of those looks you get when you order a taco chicken salad, hold the sour cream, sauce on the side, no fried tortilla stick/chips in it, please. It's that look, that one that says, "Who do you think YOU'RE fooling fat chick?". I want people to see me order that and admire me because I'm slim and fit and still eat healthy.
There's another issue I'm upset about. I weighed myself about 6 weeks ago on one of those quarter machines you find in gas station bathrooms, where they also give you your lucky lotto numbers. Now, I know these are about as reliable as the newest fad diet pill, but still, I dropped the quarter, and it said, TADA! 239.6 &%$# YOU! I came home and cried for 3 hours. It felt like all my hard work had just been slapped in my face. So, I bring myself around, rationalizing that those things are probably NEVER calibrated, how reliable can they TRULY be? So, a few weeks later, I go to my kids doc appt, ask to use the scale, it happily reads 237.2. DAMMIT!!! So, I go over to 3FC, to look for some explanation. It's explained to me how scales, especially digital doc scales aren't that reliable, since they weigh everyone from elderly to newborns. This scale weighs everyone who comes through the practice. So, ok. Then, I do it again today. I drop a quarter in one of those STUPID machines at K-Mart, for my weight and lucky lotto numbers, it reads, 239. Well, at least this time it didn't have ounces attached to it. Personally, I find it really hard to discount 3 scales, all reading within the same 5 pound range. My scale is bogus. It's been reading between 217 and 220 for 10 days. Apparently, it's just a piece of crap and I need to ante up for a real one. That's what happens when you spend 6 bucks at Wal-Mart for a scale I guess. I feel horrible. Not just because I have been so lazy on weight loss lately, but also because I thought I had lost almost 50 pounds. I'm ready to cry. I will cry, eventually. I'm so sick of battling my weight. So sick of worrying if this will fit, if that will stretch, if that bra will show that horrible bra fat bulge. I know I'm losing inches, my tape measure says so, but crap, whats a girl gotta do to get a break? I upped my calories, I downed my calories. I worked out harder, better, longer. I started walking a mile at a time, and now can do 3 miles a day, easy. I incorporated jogging, I've enthused family and friends to get healthier. I've given advice like I knew what I was talking about, and it turns out, I just don't. I know less about weight loss than I thought I did and now I'm floundering, I can't seem to find my way.
So, it's time to ante up. Am I serious about this or is it a hobby? Do I want to be healthy? Do I want to have a heart attack? Diabetes? It's time to sit down and think.
*************************************************
So, after that overly dramatic post, I realised today was measurement day. I only measure once a month, unlessmy scale has gone wonky. I'm so glad today was measurement day. I've lost 15 total body inches in 2 months.Most of my weight is coming off of the band part of my boobs, neck and legs. I've been bemoaning the fact that my pants size isn't really decreasing, but everything feels/looks smaller and toned. Well, yeah, everything being arms, legs, upper body, because that's where the weight is coming off. So, redemption, of sorts. I may not have lost all the weight, I thought I did,
but I have lost quiet a bit of ME. So, the journey continues....
I'm also restarting my trackers, I weighed today at 239, it was 430 pm, I had eaten 2 good meals, and was wearing layers of clothing. I'm estimating total of 5 pounds, considering while we were in K-Mart I also downed 2 liters of water
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