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Repeating Mistakes/ To fibit not to fitbit

LOL once I start blogging I can't stop.


So I'm in the exercise groove...I've been here before..the weight is coming off.  I'm eating right, feeling good..and then...I do too much, get frustrated and binge and then quit...sigh


So I started posting on 3 fat chicks again.  I felt like I need an outlet for things I was feeling without judgement and I like reading about other people struggles so I don't feel alone.  I am avoiding any challenges and any group posts.  The posts where everyone already knows everyone so you post but no one responds because they don't really know you...blah...


The reality is I don't do well on challenges and it stops becoming about weight loss and feeling good and more about "winning" nothing..because there is no actual prize.  If I win yeah..but often I "lose" and feel bad and then begins a downward spiral into feeling like a failure.  Weirdly this is also the reason I never got into counting carbs or calories.  It became this weird competition and if I went over...I was sad is my pants...


So that brings me to getting a fitbit. Right now the only thing I track is my weight on the scale.  As time goes by I'm not so much worried about the number. I mean obviously I want the number to go down, but the scale is my checkin to say ok are you eating right...I know I have a weigh in do I really want that second mojito?  


The fitbit feel like dietbet on my wrist.  (dietbet was another thing I failed at multiple times) ...I kinda of want it as another measure to see how I'm doing, but I can just imaging the guilt or failure if I don't measure up....blah so I guess that's a no to a fitbit. 


I feel like a solid workable long term plan for weight loss.  I don't want to rock the boat.  My first mini goal is 330-325.  That's the weight were clothes are too big, I can wear heels, and walking and stairs is pretty easy. 


Unrelated 4 lbs until I hit my first 20lb mark..but I'm ok as long as I'm the same or lower...I would love to lose it, but no more pressure myself to lose whatever to hit a number so I can "win"

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